If You Ever Hear This

yeah… I don’t even know if you’ll ever hear this… (but I’m saying it anyway)

I kept a lot of things to myself

thought it was easier that way

like if I didn’t say it out loud

it wouldn’t change anything anyway

but it changed things anyway

just not in the way I thought

you started drifting in ways I couldn’t name at first

just quieter… further… slower to reach me

and I never found the right moment to say it

if you ever hear this

I didn’t mean to stay silent

if you ever hear this

there were things I should’ve said

not because I didn’t see it

but because I didn’t know how to reach it

if you ever hear this

I hope it doesn’t sound too late

too late… too late… (I know…)

I used to replay conversations after you left

thinking maybe I missed something small

like a version of you I could’ve reached

if I’d just said the right thing once

but it doesn’t work like that

does it…

and I think I understand that now

a bit more than I used to

still… I wish I tried differently

if you ever hear this

I was there… I just wasn’t loud enough

if you ever hear this

you didn’t do this alone

I just didn’t say that when it mattered

and now it only exists like this

maybe this isn’t for you anymore

maybe it never was

but I needed to say it somewhere

even if it’s just into nothing

I’m still here…

I’m still here…

still saying it now

if you ever hear this

I don’t need you to fix anything

if you ever hear this

I just needed you to know

I wasn’t silent because I didn’t care

I was silent because I cared too much to say it wrong

if you ever hear this

I hope it reaches you softer than I am

yeah… if you ever hear this…