New year’s pain

I asked you to stay home on your last day

You said you couldn’t leave them all behind

You chose the noise, the lights, the breakroom laughs

And left my heart standing in line

I knew it would hurt, you knew it too

But you still walked out that door

I sat with the silence, angry and shaking

Hating how you treat me more

Pre-Chorus

When you came back, I fell apart

Tears on my face, cracks in my chest

You watched the screen like I wasn’t there

Like my pain was just background noise at best

Chorus

Why am I begging for love?

Why does it feel like I’m never enough?

I gave you everything I had inside

Now I’m the one left hanging on the line

I burned myself just to keep you warm

Now I’m alone in the afterstorm

Verse 2

Every time I open up my heart

It turns into another fight

So I swallow words, I say “okay”

Just to make it through the night

New Year’s lights, the kids, your friends

You’re everywhere but here with me

Quick hellos, half-smiles, borrowed time

Is this all I get to be?

Pre-Chorus 2

You’re scrolling through your phone, half asleep

I stay quiet so I don’t explode

I’d rather bleed in silence

Than be the reason your world implodes

Chorus

Why am I begging for love?

Why does it feel like I’m always the one?

I give, I bend, I break, I crawl

Still end up staring at the wall

I lost myself just to prove it was real

Now tell me how I’m supposed to heal

Bridge

Dear me, why is it always a test?

Why do I stay when I know this hurts?

I tell myself to endure it all

Like loving you is what I deserve

Would it change if I said the truth?

Or would it just tear us apart?

So I lock my pain behind my ribs

And call it love, and call it art

Breakdown

You hung up first, I called you back

Swallowed my pride, ignored the cracks

I hate that I still chase your voice

Like I never had a choice

Final Chorus

I did everything to make you stay

I hoped you’d love me a different way

Now I’m standing here with nothing left

Apologizing to myself

I gave you all, I let me fall

And you still left me on hold

Outro

I love you—yeah, I always will

Even if it’s killing me

So I’ll welcome the year alone tonight

With all this pain you never see