Why do I feel outta place, can’t find my lane
Drowned myself in cooking, drugs numbing the pain
Pushin’ people out, self-sabotage on replay
I’m scared to let ‘em close enough to cut me again
I was runnin’ from the mirror, hidin’ in the kitchen heat
Chasin’ highs in powder lines, tryna numb what’s underneath
Couldn’t speak my truth, so I let the silence bleed
Walls around my heart, but it’s me that I defeat
I wanted to be the son my father dreamed I’d be
Wanted mama proud, not ashamed when she looks at me
But the choices that I made turned my blood into worry
And I wonder if today’s the day they gotta bury me
Why do I feel outta place, can’t find my lane
Drowned myself in cooking, drugs numbing the pain
Pushin’ people out, self-sabotage on replay
I’m scared to let ‘em close enough to cut me again
To my sisters, I’m sorry for the years I disappeared
Closed you out with distance, left you drownin’ in the fear
Every call I didn’t answer, every night you lost sleep
I was lost inside the chaos, I was fightin’ just to breathe
But I swear I never meant to break your hearts this way
I was broken by my demons, couldn’t find the words to say
That I love you through the silence, though my actions made it wrong
If today I fade away, I pray my story makes you strong
I wanna change the past, rewrite the script I made
Undo the pain I cast, bring back the trust I strayed
But I’m trapped inside the doubt, in my own cage
Tryna heal before the reaper calls my name
Why do I feel outta place, can’t find my lane
Drowned myself in cooking, drugs numbing the pain
Pushin’ people out, self-sabotage on replay
I’m scared to let ‘em close enough to cut me again.
If today’s the day my story cuts short in time
Tell my family that I love ‘em, that I tried to climb
I was haunted by the past but I still hoped to rise
I was searchin’ for redemption with tears in my eyes
kanzo