[Verse 1]
Packed my room in paper bags
Old report cards
Crooked flags
Dad’s old jacket on my back
Smells like home and gasoline
You were sitting on the stairs
Bare feet kicking at the air
Asked me
“Why you look so scared?”
Couldn’t say what that would mean
[Pre-Chorus]
There’s a door that only opens
When you’ve run out of escapes
Every choice I never wanted
Led me right to this gate
[Chorus]
I’m sorry for the shouting
For slamming every door
For leaving you with questions
And clothes still on the floor
If they ask you where I’m going
Say I’ll just be gone a while
Don’t tell Mom I’m going to war
Just give her my crooked smile
[Verse 2]
I traced veins along your wrist
Said
“You’re taller
Look at this”
You laughed once and then went quiet
Heard my heartbeat in the hall
There’s a list inside my head
Of the words I never said
“Thank you
Love you
I was wrong”
They all circle
But they stall
[Pre-Chorus]
If I break before I bend
Will you remember me kind?
Not the fights
But Friday mornings
Cereal
Cartoons
And time
[Chorus]
I’m sorry for the bruises
The nights I locked my door
For making you my mirror
For wanting something more
If they ask you where I’m going
Say I’m chasing something far
Don’t tell Mom I’m going to war
Just say I’m reaching for a star
[Bridge]
[Voice drops
Close and rough]
So come closer
Little brother
(hey)
Let this secret cut in two
I’ll be gone before the sunrise
But I’ll always be with you
If the world turns cold and quiet
Hear my boots in every floor
Don’t tell Mom I’m going to war
Don’t tell Mom I’m going to war
[Chorus]
I’m sorry for the silence
For every slammed and broken word
For all the times you called my name
That I swore I never heard
If they ask you where I’m going
Say I needed something new
Don’t tell Mom I’m going to war
Just say I left my heart with you
[Verse 3]
[Soft
Like reading]
“Hey kid
If you’re reading this
I’m tired
There was smoke and there was fire
Tell Dad I wore his jacket out
Tell Mom I learned what pain’s about
Tell her I believed her prayers
Even when I rolled my eyes
Tell her all the stupid jokes
Kept me breathing through the nights
And you…
You keep drawing little dragons
On the corners of your books
Keep your temper
Lose my anger
Don’t inherit how I shook
I’m not coming through that doorway
Not in boots
Not like before
But I’m standing in your mirror
Every time you want to roar
So if they ask you where I’m resting
Point up past the bedroom wall
Don’t tell Mom I died at war
Just tell her I came home after all
I’ll miss you
More than I can say
But you
You go and live it anyway.”
[Outro]
You fold the letter
Hands that shake
Whisper into crumpled ink
“I’ll miss you…
For your sake
I’ll live the life you couldn’t drink”