I move through days like endless corridors,
Places with no windows, no visible exit.
I know every wall, every stretched-out silence,
But I lost the way out a long time ago.
The voices around me speak a steady language,
Full of certainties I no longer hear.
I pretend to follow the marked direction,
Even when I know nothing leads anywhere.
I fade away slowly
Without making a sound
I’m here, yes
But I no longer know where I stand
I’m here
At a distance from everything
I’m here
Present, without an anchor
Like a point
On an erased map
The night isn’t violent, it’s methodical,
It sorts my thoughts without asking permission.
Some remain, others sink into a grey depth
Where even emotions lose their shape.
I’m not sad, I’m diluted,
Scattered through automatic gestures.
I answer when they call me by my name,
But that name doesn’t really point to me anymore.
I keep going
Out of continuity
I’m here, yes
But I no longer know where I stand
I’m here
At a distance from everything
I’m here
Like a weak signal
No one
Is trying to catch
I considered absence
Without anger, without drama,
The way you look at a door
Without deciding to open it.
It wasn’t a call,
Nor a request for help,
Just the quiet thought
That not fighting anymore might be easier.
But I stayed,
Not out of hope,
Maybe out of inertia,
Or because leaving still asks too much.
I carry my thoughts like clothes that weigh too much,
They keep me warm but make it hard to breathe.
I’m tired of being functional,
Tired of being readable when everything is blurred inside.
I don’t expect to be saved,
I don’t even expect to be understood.
I’m only looking for a neutral place,
Where existing wouldn’t require any effort.
I’m here
With no clear direction
I’m here
With no promise
I’m here
Neither lost nor found
I’m here
Still
NOCTIS
