Pain and sadness and trauma

I got so much trauma in my head. I can’t even stand it. I’d rather be dead, but I can’t almost live on with my friends. I must live on for my they don’t understand that all this trauma makes me feel like I’m in hell I’ve been in hell back and back again Flying through these demons that people won’t understand. and all I can see is red. I’m angry at the world the making me angry because all the people that I love end up dead dying from illness dying from sickness I’ve lost so many people don’t understand and that’s traumatizing I didn’t get to say goodbye to one of them got to say goodbye to the other one. When was my dad when was my stepdad My dad died from cancer my stepdad died from a disease and I can’t stand it. We have all this medicine, but we have no

No cure and people won’t understand I’m just trying to be me too, but I have some illnesses and some people make fun of me for it and I can’t stand that. I won’t let that slide. If you wanna talk shit to me say it to my face, I’d rather be dead , then be treated this way.