Oh randy

out on the highway, hot summer air, riding through texas

I-30, Top down, 90 in a 70, feeling reckless

Long drive, don’t care, I know im almost there

As long as I.. have. Music playing.

So I pull up to this guy’s house, n’ he’s drinkin’ a beer

He said “you drive a mustang? don’t come near”

I said “don’t you worry I’ll disappear”

Then He said

“Just joking buddy, I don’t give a fuck around here”

I’m a Chevy guy, whatever, here’s your beer Then we’ll go to the sematary.

I took a sip And I said.

Randyyyyyy, oh randy.

My stomach’s calling for your name

Twist n turn like the backroad to broken bow

Or From Emory, all the way to Amarillo.

Jack and Jim couldn’t even say hello

I’m sweating, shaking, and ready to explode.

Hell, I’m pale. Hell I’m pale.

Hell no. Hell no.

Oh randy.

Wait a minute.

What Thai guy doing in Texas is unreal

Like when they say Jackie Chan’s from Tokyo

I don’t drink much, when I do, I feel ill

Now I’m on the toilet. scrolling through Facebook reels

Just kidding. Your toilet is broken.

By the boat, the Tahoe, pick a spot

I can’t move an inch, or even around the block

I’m saying,

Kinda sorta like a dynamite

Please Randy, bring me some dude wipes

You asked if I want some more beer, I said, fine just one night

Cuz it comes and goes like rolling the dice

But Hold on,

I might.. I might..

Randyyyyyy, oh randy.

My stomach is calling for your name

Twist n turn like the backroad to broken bow

Or From Emory, all the way to Amarillo.

Jack and Jim couldn’t even say hello

I’m sweating, shaking, and ready to explode.

Hell, I’m pale. Hell. I’m pale.

Im feelin’ it.

It’s coming out real slow. Real slow.

Ohhhh I’m about to shit myself.

Finally it’s the end of the night

Vibing at the cemetery like it’s Disney on ice

10, 20, 30 cans later of ultra light

Talkin’ back n forth, yeah, we’re getting tight

He says he wanna marry me, yeah I don’t bite

(I said it though But all right.)

No fear in the dark, just the spark of our talk

He say Neil Armstrong was fake, he didn’t walk

You can see it in his face, he say it all

I’m ready to go, let’s drive it off.

So We got to the house ‘n his key is lost

He say fuck it, let’s go to the bar

hold on, pause.

I’m by the door but it’s lockin’

Looking back n’ the dude is talkin’

Saying,

(there’s snake out there)

(Shit)

I started to hear something crawling, Now im Walking, to his truck.

Well… Fuck it.

Randyyyyyy, oh randy.

My stomach is screamin your name

Twist n turn like bull at the rodeoooo

Came out, touchdown, like Super Bowl

The next day, Randy didn’t say hello

He’d do the same to my car n have it towed

Ohh sweet darlin. Ohhhh.

I’m sorry. Couldn’t help it.

I shit myself. Myself. Ohhh Randy. Ohhh.

[outro] no more beer dude!