Beautiful Deathday

Black suit on the back of my door

Tag still swinging like a clock on a cord

Been sleeping with the light on

Boots by the bed

Just in case the dark starts calling for my head

I trace my name in the dust on the glass

Ask my reflection

"How long will this last?"

My pulse jumps hard at the creak of the floor

Every small silence feels like a war

If I gotta go

Let it be a beautiful deathday

Roses in the gutter

Thunder in the sky

Candles in the rain

Burning down the pathway

Tear-streaked faces singing me goodbye

If I gotta fall into that endless doorway

Let the clouds crack open

Turn the night to wine

Let my last breath taste like something holy

When the dark takes this frightened life of mine

I joke at wakes

But my hands always shake

Counting every heartbeat like it's bound to break

Priests say peace

But their eyes look tired

I'm a scarecrow soul on a funeral wire

I want graveyard grass between my teeth

Laughing as they lower me under the leaves

Children chasing crows through the crooked stones

Life spilling color over all these bones

If I gotta go

Let it be a beautiful deathday

Roses in the gutter

Thunder in the sky

Candles in the rain

Burning down the pathway

Tear-streaked faces singing me goodbye

If I gotta fall into that endless doorway

Let the clouds crack open

Turn the night to wine

Let my last breath taste like something holy

When the dark takes this frightened life of mine

Will it hurt

Will it fade

Will it tear me apart?

Will I claw at the sheets? Will I beg my heart?

Or will I see every small

Stupid thing I survived

And finally feel alive

Alive

Alive (oh)

If I gotta go

Let it be a beautiful deathday

Organs shaking rafters

Thunder in my chest

Lips I love pressed warm against my pathway

"I'm right here

I'm right here

" over every breath

If I gotta fall into that endless doorway

Let the sky bleed color over blackened pines

Let the fear burn out like a spent old candle

As the dark takes this trembling life of mine

Black suit swinging on the back of my door

One day it won't scare me anymore