self inflicted

I traded hours of my life for a bottle on the floor

Rent was due last Friday, but I wanted numbness more

Coins in my pocket rattled louder than my pride

Spent my future on a feeling I can’t even justify

Credit cards crying in the back of my mind

Bank account bleeding, but I’m still hitting decline

Said it’s just one night, said I’m still in control

But I keep selling pieces of my already broken soul

I count receipts like regrets I can’t erase

Every high comes with a bill I can’t escape

Alcohol and drugs took everything I had

Left me broke, left me shaking, left me talking to my past

I paid in cash, I paid in tears, I paid with years of my life

Now I’m drunk on apologies I never made right

They promised me relief, but they lied to my face

Now I’m bankrupt in love, and I’m drowning in shame

I watched my friends move on while I stayed the same

Same barstool, same demons, same fake last name

Borrowed money with a smile I didn’t mean

Swore I’d pay it back tomorrow, like tomorrow’s guaranteed

Missed calls from my mother, said I’d call her back

But I was chasing silence at the bottom of a glass

I can’t afford forgiveness, I’ve been spending it too fast

Every dollar I destroyed just mirrors who I am

I pawned my dreams just to feel okay

Now I wake up owing more than I can say

Alcohol and drugs took everything I had

Left me broke, left me hollow, left me hating who I am

I paid in cash, I paid in tears, I paid with trust and time

Now my wallet’s full of nothing, and my heart’s in decline

They numbed the pain for a moment, then doubled the cost

Now I’m standing in the wreckage of everything I lost

I didn’t just lose money, I lost myself

Lost the man I was before I needed help

Every empty bottle’s got my name inside

Every line I crossed just pushed me further from my life

I’m tired of surviving on borrowed breath

Tired of flirting with emotional debt

If rock bottom’s real, then I’m scraping below

Trying to buy back a soul I already sold

Alcohol and drugs took everything I had

Left me scared, left me shaking, left me buried in the past

I paid in cash, I paid in blood, I paid in sleepless nights

Now I’m rich in regret and poor in light

If I ever get free, let this song be proof

That the most expensive thing I lost was the truth

There’s no refund for the years I threw away

But I’m done financing my pain today