Addiction

No One Understands

No one understands the pain I hide,

They only see the damage on their side.

They count the scars that I have left behind,

But never ask what broke me in my mind.

They give me guilt instead of compassion,

Judge every wound like it was my intention.

They call me selfish, call me a burden,

Like all the pain inside me never happened.

And I know I’ve hurt people, I know I was wrong,

But carrying this weight has gone on for too long.

I’m trying to change, I’m trying to heal,

But sometimes I don’t know how to feel.

No one understands what it does to me,

No one sees the war they’ll never see.

I’m fighting every day just to stay alive,

Trying to find a reason, trying to survive.

And sometimes I just wanna disappear,

To end the pain, to silence every fear.

If life is only guilt and shame,

Tell me, how am I supposed to play this game?

Every time you tell me I’m a burden,

You awaken the child beneath the curtains.

The child who had nobody standing near,

Nobody to protect him, nobody to hear.

No one taught me how to calm the storm,

No one held me when the world felt wrong.

I had to fix myself, I had to understand,

How to hold my broken heart inside my hands.

I learned to listen, I learned to care,

To carry everyone when no one was there.

But when I finally needed someone too,

I found out what loneliness could do.

I know my choices caused somebody pain,

I carry that truth like a permanent stain.

But punishment won’t teach my heart to mend,

And shame won’t make the broken pieces bend.

No one understands what it does to me,

No one sees the war they’ll never see.

I’m fighting every day just to stay alive,

Trying to find a reason, trying to survive.

And sometimes I just wanna disappear,

To end the pain, to silence every fear.

If life is only guilt and shame,

Tell me, how am I supposed to play this game?

And sometimes I pray you’ll feel what I felt,

The helplessness, the pain, the way I knelt.

I want you to know what it means to lose control,

To carry a war inside your soul.

And if you ever come to me in your darkest night,

Asking for advice, asking me to make it right,

Part of me will want to say, “I warned you from the start,”

But another part will remember my own broken heart.

Because I don’t want revenge to be my destiny,

I just want someone to finally see me.

Not only the damage, not only my mistakes,

But the child underneath who still aches.

No one understands what it does to me,

But maybe one day someone finally will see.

That I’m more than the worst things I’ve ever done,

More than the battles I’ve already lost and won.

I’m still here, though sometimes I don’t know why,

Still searching for a reason not to say goodbye.

Maybe healing isn’t something I can fake,

Maybe I can learn to live with every mistake.

So don’t call me a burden, don’t turn away,

I’m trying to become someone better every day.

I can’t undo the pain, I can’t rewrite the p