[ska horn intro]
[verse 1]
I just met the coolest guy
in the world
and he showed me the coolest trick
I've ever heard
First he pulls down his pants and
suddenly I became his biggest fan
I just met the coolest guy
In the world when he said
[Chorus]
I can masturbate
with no hands
(with no hands)
(with no hands)
I been a million miles I've got a million fans
cause I can masturbate without my hands is what he said
[ska horn break]
[verse 2]
When I asked him how it's done he
smiled and laughed
He told me it required skill I
did not have
He said I could go
to the end of the earth
To try and find the secret
of his girth
But it took a skill that I just
did not have and he told me
(Chorus)
You can't masturbate
with no hands
you don't have the skill you don't
have the plan
I only know of one
other man
That can masturbate with-
out his hands
but he's dead.
[music break]
[guitar solo]
Now he’s dead