The past haunting me

Sometimes I wonder

If you choose me out of losing my place

Or do you really love me

So many beautiful women

You was talking to

So everyday

I’m unsure

Of

Am I her

And are you him

For me

I make so many rational decisions

And choices

Could this be one of them

It confuses me

Am I awake

Or am I dreaming

Could you only want me cause sex

Or because I have nowhere

Else to be

I question myself everyday

Because are you only accepting me for the pleasure of you

Or is this the love that is really true

Who really knows

My thoughts at 235pm

On this Sunday evening

I’m trying so hard not to be

In my head

Or to spread what’s not to be

This is so hard for me

To understand

If I wasn’t so low in me

life had to be

Would we be

Here today

Sitting side by side

As I write this poem

As you sip a drink

Beside me

I really don’t know if this are just thoughts

Or maybe this is reality

It’s true

I lost everything

I would be sleeping in

Hostel

Parks

Wherever I found weather

Knowing this apartment

is not even mine

You say it’s ours

But the moment you get

Mad or angry

Or

Even

Express my feelings

Shit can turn left

is the past

Why bring it up

To me

But I’m afraid

You’ll throw me out again

Be rude

I’m trusting you with my past

But yet

When you mad at me

It’s thrown in my face

So I tbh I don’t tell anymore you anymore

I’m just honest

The only way I know how to be

The only way I know how to talk

To talk to you

Is in the poem outside this poem

I am not me

As we the perfect fit?

Who I am supposed to be