Dear God

Dear God…Can You hear me tonight?Because I’m trying so hard to hold myself togetherwhile learning how to let someone close again…

I carry heartbreak like old perfumeStill clinging to parts of me I thought I washed awayPeople touched my heart with careless handsAnd somehow I kept blaming myself for bleeding

I gave love like waterTo people who only came thirstyAnd every time they leftI questioned if I was too much…or never enough at all

So I built walls dressed as standardsTurned survival into independenceSmiled through disappointmentsAnd called it “being strong”

But deep down…I was just tired of hurting

Father…Please heal the parts of meThat expect abandonment the moment I start caringTeach my heart that love is not supposed to feel like war

And if this connection is from YouLet it arrive gentlyNot through confusionNot through painNot through another lesson disguised as love

Because now there’s someone hereAnd he’s careful with meNot loud… not forceful…Just patient enough to make me lower my guard a little

And honestly God…That scares me too

Because I know what it feels likeTo romanticize potentialTo stay too longTo pour from an empty soul hoping someone notices

I don’t want to lose myself trying to be loved again

But maybe healing looks like this…Taking things slowlyNot needing constant reassuranceLearning that soft love can still be real love

Father…Please heal the parts of meThat panic when things become peacefulTeach me how to stop expecting pain from every beautiful thing

And if he’s meant to stayLet honesty grow naturally between usLet us protect each other’s heartsInstead of testing who can survive more damage

I don’t want toxic passion anymoreI don’t want confusion mistaken for chemistryI don’t want to beg to be chosen Or shrink myself just to keep someone close

I want the kind of loveThat feels safe at 2amThe kind that calms my nervous systemThe kind that makes me feel seen without performing

And maybe…Maybe You’re teaching meThat real love isn’t always fireworks

Sometimes it’s peaceSometimes it’s patienceSometimes it’s finally meeting someonewho doesn’t make survival feel romantic

So until I know where this is goingI place it in Your hands

Protect me from forcingProtect me from fearProtect me from people who only love me halfway

And if this is the beginning of something beautiful…Please let it grow slowly enoughFor both of us to heal while holding it