Because I’m Tired

(Parody of “Because I Got High”)

(La-la-ta, ta-ta-ra-ra… yeah, uh… No, YOU do it.)

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I was gonna go work out, but then I got tired (ooh)

I was gonna lace my shoes up, but then I got tired (la-la-ta, ta-ta-ra-ra)

Now my treadmill’s just for clothes, and I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (la-la-ta, ta-ta-ra-ra)

I was gonna meal prep lunch, but then I got tired (yeah)

I said “no more fast food,” but then I got tired (ooh)

Now it’s fries with extra sauce, and I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (uh-huh)

I bought a yoga mat once, but then I got tired (ha!)

Tried to stretch one time… pulled something, and retired (ow!)

Now my core’s a myth, and I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (la-la-ta, ta-ta-ra-ra)

I was gonna run a mile, but then I got tired (yeah)

I got as far as tying one shoe, then I got tired (yup)

Now I “walk” to the fridge, and I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (la-la-ta, ta-ta-ra-ra)

My doctor said, “Try spinach,” but I got tired (uh)

He said, “Cut out soda,” I said, “I’m wired” (ha!)

Now my blood pressure’s sky high, and I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (yeah, uh)

Nike said “Just do it,” I said “No, YOU do it” (woo!)

I got that slogan on a shirt, I’m not gonna prove it (nah)

Now my abs are in witness protection, and I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (la-la-ta, ta-ta-ra-ra)

I turned fifty last week, and I got tired (yeah)

I bought a Peloton seat… just to hang my dryer (haha)

Now my gym card’s expired, and I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (uh-huh)

I was gonna end this song, but now I’m tired (ooh)

I was gonna write one more verse, but I’m retired (ha!)

If no one listens, I know why (why, man?)

‘Cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired, ‘cause I’m tired (la-la-ta, ta-ta-ra-ra)

(Beat fades out — you hear a chip bag crinkle and a sigh)

“No, YOU do it.”