The Mask

the distortion doesn’t stop

it organizes

edges return

but sharper now

cleaner than before

there is still noise

underneath everything

but it gets labeled

without asking

I notice a shape forming

where awareness used to be open

---

a name appears

not spoken

just assumed

it fits too easily

thoughts start arriving

already translated

I stop witnessing them

and start continuing them

---

something is holding me together

something I didn’t choose

and it feels like relief

---

I am this

I am this

I am this

repeat until it becomes stable

I am this

and the question quiets

not gone

just buried under function

---

other people respond to it

this version of me

as if it has always been here

so I let it continue

I begin to prefer it

over the noise beneath it

the instability doesn’t disappear

it gets managed

---

there is still something watching

but it is farther away now

harder to hear

I call it background

---

I DID NOT DECIDE THIS

(but I continue it)

I DID NOT NAME THIS

(but I answer to it)

I DID NOT BECOME THIS

(but I stay inside it)

---

I am this

I am this

I am this

and it works

that is the most dangerous part

it works

I am this

---

somewhere underneath

the question still moves

but it no longer has permission to speak