Gray On My Tongue

I put my name on the rent

then watched it fade with the month

Same hoodie, same old steps

but I ain’t the same as I was

Mama said, "Boy, keep your head up"

I laughed like that fixed the frame

But the sink full of plates don't lie

and my phone full of missed-up names

I keep my hurt in a box

under the bed with the screws

If I open it up too long

I swear the whole room bruises

I been strong for the crowd

been broke in the quiet part

Smile on my face like a mask

while the real me fell apart

Tell me how long

can a heart hold smoke?

Tell me how long

till the last thread goes?

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

I wear it like rain

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

but I say I’m okay

(Okay, okay)

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

don’t ask me to stay

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

I been folding in pain

Lost my brother to the system

lost my cousin to the block

Lost a piece of me at sixteen

when the doctor said "it’s not"

I still see my old man

with his hands on the wheel

Not talking, just driving

like silence was real

And I learned that a meal in the fridge

can still taste like grief

When the house too quiet at night

and the floorboards breathe

I been that kid in the doorway

waiting for somebody home

Now I’m grown and the same ache

still got my bones on loan

Tell me how long

can a heart hold smoke?

Tell me how long

till the last thread goes?

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

I wear it like rain

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

but I say I’m okay

(Okay, okay)

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

don’t ask me to stay

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

I been folding in pain

If I crack, don’t call it weakness

I just ran out of room

Every "I’m fine" I ever sold

came back with the blues

I been praying with my teeth clenched

knuckles white on the sink

If you see me look past you

I’m just trying not to sink

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

I wear it like rain

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

but I say I’m okay

(Okay, okay)

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

still standing in place

I’m heavy, I’m heavy

but I’m learning my pain