[Catchy dnb][Hook][smoky female][choral harmony]
A scar that'll
Be with me
through all'a my battles
where Im trapped
& blind
Its dark I cant find light
No Dad & No mum
Nobody to come
Show me the way to my Lighthouse
Its on me to make it
So please
Try to be patient
[Verse][smoky female][fast dnb trap rap]
I believe
All the nasty things
people say to me
They replay all day
In my head
I wish I was dead
But instead
Im stuck in my bed
Suffering
all'a these
mental disabilities
& my demons
making up stories
They remind me
Im not good enough
Im too much to love
how its all my fault
& I'm the one to blame
Im the reason my mum gave me away
The war I fight
Everyday inside
No excuse its just insight to why
I cant always see when Im treating
You badly
My wires are slightly
Wired differently
Most people learn to create
A path that takes you straight
Back to home base
An inner lighthouse place
From 9 months inside your mother
& your guide while you bond after
Forged your instinctual sense
Now & forever its your reference
Who what & where is safe
Anytime & Always
[Hook]
[Verse][rap]
10 days old a family
Came & adopted me
Get disconnected from my guide
Made my lighthouse harder to find
A little baby
No idea of safety
instincts now linked
to always think
I need to be
In survival mode constantly
24 7 High alert
So I dont get hurt
My Hypervigilance
Became my resilience
Always lookin round
My body screaming danger watch out
On repeat & so loud
But my logic kicks in & says Im home, safe & sound
So I gotta re-route
Block out the felt
Dont trust it
shut down intuition & trust logic
So when you think thats not your mum or dad
& you dont understand
They arent who had
You grow inside
They dont smell right
& you look nothin alike
Or how she does smell that way
& you both look the same
Just keep
remembering
she is always leaving
& stay believing
Reality
Which is Im safe here with my family
[Tempo shift][heartfelt][violin builds]
[Verse 3]
Suddenly Outta nowhere
Theres a boy here
We look similar
He seems so familiar
half brother
Same mother
different father
I felt more accepted
Less likely to get rejected
Now when people stare at me sayin how neat
Bein adopted must be
He'll be here
& understand the damage & grief
inside me
How I always have to be
grateful
Not able
To grieve a life
Ill never meet
Noone understood
Or ever could
So I hoped my
Brother & me
Could be
Like a real family
But Sadly
He'd been in foster care
& he learned stuff there
Then he taught me
things a 4 year old shouldnt see
It ruined me
He was supposed to be my safety
Now hes my bodys enemy
I couldnt tell any body
he said he would choke me
He showed me & proved he wasnt joking
[Pause]
4 decades I stayed quiet
But Now I cant hide it
[Hook]
[Bridge]
I need to find
The way to my
Lighthouse
& stop triggering my shit
That makes it
Way Harder to navigate
& regulate the empty space
Thats supposed to be safe
& grounding
Not an empty surrounding
I found it
The Lights are out
But its mine
Its My Dark lighthouse
SavageGhost736
