When There Is No Book

I stack your letters

Like a tower on the floor

Every word a little splinter

I still read them at the door

I ask the empty kitchen

How the hell am I still here

How do I process pain

When you’re not near

I walk the same four meters

From the window to the chair

The ache is more than I can bear

More than I can bear

When there’s no book to follow

No map

No line

No prayer

I’m making up each broken step

While I’m gasping for air

I want to talk but you’re not here

And all these walls just stare

When there’s no book to follow

I bleed and call it repair

Your hoodie on the hanger

Still arguing my name

I rinse your coffee cup

Like I’m washing off the blame

How can I move on

When every street says “stay”

Grief keeps changing shape

But it never goes away

I trace the quiet ceiling

Ask the cracks why life’s unfair

The ache is more than I can bear

More than I can bear

[male + female

Trading lines]

[male] I want to talk—

[female] I want to scream—

[male] about the wreckage

[female] about the dream

[male] You’re in my mouth

[female] You’re in my chest

[together

I say your name until it rests