A Freak In The Crowd

I hold the door, I wear the smile

But I count the exits all the while

Eyes on me like I’m just like them

But I’m carving hell with a fountain pen

Glass in my shoes

Lies on my tongue

I blend in well…

Until I come undone

I’m a freak in the crowd

You won’t see me 'til I’m loud

There’s a monster in my skin

Clawing out to let it in

I’m your neighbor, I’m your friend

Till the wires snap and the rules all bend

Smile wide, play it proud —

I’m the freak in the crowd

Sit in silence, drink my tea

But shadows whisper back to me

Twist my neck, crack my bones

I hear voices when I’m alone

Twitch in the light

Cry in the dark

I keep my mask

'Til it falls apart

I’m a freak in the crowd

You won’t hear me 'til I’m loud

I’m the crack behind the smile

I’ve been hiding all the while

Count your steps, I count your sin

I know where the end begins

Polite face, broken vow —

I’m the freak in the crowd

Clock hands laugh, they spin too fast

Echoes crawling from my past

I talk to walls, they talk right back

Trace my name in blood and black

They say:

“You seem so normal…”

“He was always so quiet…”

“We never saw it coming…”

Now I’m free in the crowd

Screaming mercy, screaming loud

Every stare, every doubt

Burns like fire from my mouth

I was you — now I’m not

I was sane, now I rot

No escape, no turn around —

There’s a freak in the crowd…