Still Tryin

(Yeah…)

(I ain’t cold… I’m careful…)

I used to be the light in the room when I stepped in

Laugh too loud, dreams too big, heart wide open

Life of the party, everybody my people

Believed in forever, believed in the sequel

Then love taught lessons I ain’t ask to learn

Put me last so many times it was my turn to burn

Watched her choose everything but me

Smiled through it all but it hollowed me inside

I don’t miss her, I miss who I was

Miss trust comin’ easy, miss givin’ a fuck

Now every move feel like déjà vu

Every red flag feel already true

Love didn’t make me better, it made me hard

Built me armor outta broken hearts

I survived somethin’ I don’t speak on

Almost let the dark win, I ain’t proud of that

Now I love again but I’m scarred

Hardened, yeah… but I’m still here

Now I’m with a woman carryin’ pain like mine

Different story, same scars, different time

She been hurt by hands that crossed lines

I been hurt by bein’ last my whole damn life

So when I see that phone light up in the dark

My chest get tight, mind fall apart

Ain’t about control, ain’t about pride

It’s that fear sayin’ “you ’bout to be denied”

I pull back when I wanna lean in

Fightin’ ghosts that ain’t even present

I hate that my past still speak

Hate that love still feel like heat

Love didn’t make me better, it made me hard

Built me armor outta broken hearts

I survived somethin’ I don’t speak on

Almost let the dark win, I ain’t proud of that

Now I love again but I’m scarred

Hardened, yeah… but I’m still here

I don’t wanna bleed on you

I don’t wanna punish you for what they did

I’m just learnin’ how to stay

Without disappearin’

If I get quiet, it’s not that I don’t care

It’s me fightin’ panic in my head right there

I’m tryin’ to love without losin’ myself

Tryin’ to choose you without expectin’ farewell

Love broke me once, yeah, that’s true

But I’m still here… and I’m here with you

Still here…

Still tryin’…

3:40