Can you hear me

God, can you hear me? Am I worthy? Do you love me? A feeling I don’t know how to trust, even though you are enough, but am I? I sigh and look to the sky, wanting a reply, I know it’s selfish and I’m rebellious, sometimes. I cry. Wanna die. How’s grandma doing? Is she alright? I wanna give her a hug and catch her up on my life, still blame myself for not going to check on her, randomly get thoughts of her and changes my emotions, self loathing, self doubt, everyday, every time, I look in the mirror and keep asking why, am I like this? Am I a good kid? It’s late, I need to sleep, it’s hard when these thought are on repeat, keeps me awake, not today, I’ll be okay, maybe someday