[Verse 1]
The doctor said my vibe score’s 69,
So that’s nice — that’s fine — I’ll be alright.
My mood was 420 last night,
Now I’m just baked and terrified.
[Pre-Chorus]
The charts are steady, my soul’s flatlined,
But look — the meme index is climbing high.
[Chorus]
Everything’s fine, statistically,
I’m over 9000 emotionally.
I’m 1337 at pretending I’m free,
And the algorithm agrees with me.
Everything’s fine, statistically —
The data says I’m 21 and carefree.
The world’s on fire but the stats look clean,
Everything’s fine… statistically.
⸻
[Verse 2]
They said happiness peaked at 42,
So I found the answer — then lost the proof.
Six-seven voices in my head now sing,
“Six-seven! Six-seven!” like it means something.
[Pre-Chorus]
My anxiety rate’s a solid 666,
But that’s okay, it makes the charts look sick.
[Chorus]
Everything’s fine, statistically,
I’m 69% irony.
Confidence dropped to 24,
But SpongeBob laughed, so I’ll ignore.
Everything’s fine, statistically —
The world’s at 404 and missing me.
If I round up pain, it’s victory,
Everything’s fine… statistically.
⸻
[Bridge]
Run the numbers, spin the wheel,
Correlate how numb I feel.
Regression says I’ll heal in time,
(At least at 0.95 confidence line).
⸻
[Final Chorus / Outro]
Everything’s fine, statistically —
I’m 100% delusional, see?
Plot the curve of humanity’s fall,
It’s shaped like a laughing emoji.
Everything’s fine, statistically —
The math is sound, emotionally.
So don’t fact-check this melody…
Everything’s fine.
(spoken)
…statistically.