Untitled

The doctor said my vibe score’s 69,

So that’s nice — that’s fine — I’ll be alright.

My mood was 420 last night,

Now I’m just baked and terrified.

The charts are steady, my soul’s flatlined,

But look — the meme index is climbing high.

Everything’s fine, statistically,

I’m over 9000 emotionally.

I’m 1337 at pretending I’m free,

And the algorithm agrees with me.

Everything’s fine, statistically —

The data says I’m 21 and carefree.

The world’s on fire but the stats look clean,

Everything’s fine… statistically.

⸻

They said happiness peaked at 42,

So I found the answer — then lost the proof.

Six-seven voices in my head now sing,

“Six-seven! Six-seven!” like it means something.

My anxiety rate’s a solid 666,

But that’s okay, it makes the charts look sick.

Everything’s fine, statistically,

I’m 69% irony.

Confidence dropped to 24,

But SpongeBob laughed, so I’ll ignore.

Everything’s fine, statistically —

The world’s at 404 and missing me.

If I round up pain, it’s victory,

Everything’s fine… statistically.

⸻

Run the numbers, spin the wheel,

Correlate how numb I feel.

Regression says I’ll heal in time,

(At least at 0.95 confidence line).

⸻

Everything’s fine, statistically —

I’m 100% delusional, see?

Plot the curve of humanity’s fall,

It’s shaped like a laughing emoji.

Everything’s fine, statistically —

The math is sound, emotionally.

So don’t fact-check this melody…

Everything’s fine.

(spoken)

…statistically.