My son

I’ve been counting sunsets, watching years slip through my hands

Chasing shadows of the girl now in a grown woman’s skin

All the noise I called a life, are only echoes in the end

Now the quiet shows me clear what I should’ve known back then

There’s a list inside my chest, numbered ten down to one

Dreams I buried, love I hurt, chances lost and gone

But the weight i bare heaviest is on the very first line

Samyul, my son, I’m running out of time

Before my time is done, I wanna stand beneath a waterfall

Let the water wash the guilt and let the old me fall

I wanna climb Machu Picchu, cleanse with ayahuasca’s call

But none of it means a thing if I can’t reach you at all

Samyul, I’m sorry, God, I’m sorry

I just wanna be your mother

Before my time is done

I still see that little boy with tears streaming down your face. the worst day of my life.

The day i was taken away, was the beginning of the lost years of all our lives.

Every door I didn’t open, every call I didn’t make

This canyon that is between us, I carved with every mistake

Before my time is done i wanna learn one whole song on this old beat-up guitar, love out loud, tip big, forgive fast, leave kindness everywhere, but first I gotta face the mirror and forgive the woman standing there for her convoluted past

I was scared of being great, so I remained small

Scared of every damn thing, so I built these prison walls

But fear can't get the last word, not anymore

Today’s the day, I’m kicking down the door

Before my time is done, I wanna feel my grandson’s hand in mine, see my daughters laugh like sunlight, and my son to be proud of me, have you all together one happy family. i want to leave the darkness behind, meet my Maker with the peace of mind of knowing that I tried. The very first step, baby boy, starts with you tonight.

Samyul, I’m sorry, Lord, I’m sorry

I just wanna be your mother

Before my time is done

If you never call me Mom again, I’ll understand, I swear I do

But I’ll spend every breath I’ve got left proving myself to you

I can’t fix the years wasted, but the ones I’ve got, my son, they’re yours if you want ‘em

I’m here, I’m sober, I’m trying, I’m healing…

I just wanna love you

Let me love you

Before my time is done.