It shouldn’t matter

We were fine in the daytime

When nothing asked too much

You were easy to be around

You were easy to love

But the nights kept changing you

And I learned what that meant

I kept hoping you’d come back

From wherever you went

I told myself it was nothing

Just another phase

But some things don’t get better

They just wear you away

It shouldn’t matter but it does

That I was never enough

I stayed up waiting for your love

While you were giving it up

I tried to hold us together

While you were coming undone

I called you boy because of you

Because I thought you were the one

I knew the sound of your breathing

When you couldn’t sleep

I knew the look in your eyes

When you’d disappear from me

I kept saying “tomorrow”

Like it still had a chance

But tomorrow kept showing me

What we didn’t have

I learned the hard kind of loving

That doesn’t get returned

Some lessons come easy

This one had to burn

It shouldn’t matter but it does

That I wanted you to stay

That I needed you sober

In every quiet way

I tried to love you through it

Tried to save what I could

But loving you was losing me

And I knew that wasn’t good

The nights were long and restless

I barely slept at all

I kept replaying every word

Like it might stop the fall

I don’t hate you, I don’t blame you

I just finally see

I can’t be what you need

If you can’t be here with me

It shouldn’t matter but it does

That I still wish you well

That I hope you find your way back

From wherever you fell

I loved you more than I could help

And that’s the truth I know

I didn’t stop loving you

I just had to let you go

Because of you

I found myself