I’m Still Here

I’m okay. I’m fine. I swear I am.

I’m not the old me who didn’t give a damn.

I’ve worked so hard to be where I am,

But some days it just creeps up like bam!

“But you look fine,” they say to me,

“You’re nothing like you used to be.

We see you laugh, we see you smile…”

So why do my thoughts race a minute a mile?

Used to be so down, used to want to die,

Used to cover my scars, used to always cry.

But I’m still here, better than ever before—

Right? That’s still true? Didn’t I settle the score?

But really sometimes I’m just not so sure,

Creeping up—an old frenemy, trying to lure.

That distant old feeling, a punch to the gut,

And that voice in my head saying cut cut cut.

I know that I’m better. I know that I’m strong.

So why do I still have days that feel wrong?

I’m not so okay—at least not right now.

I’m better at coping and keeping that vow.

Years of therapy and dedication,

Took the long way to recovery nation.

So why, just why, does it still have to hurt?

That rebound memory, so sudden, so curt.

Not so okay, but I know I’ll be fine—

Might take a day, or two, or nine.

Used to be so down, used to want to die,

Used to cover my scars, used to always cry.

But I’m still here, better than ever before—

Right? That’s still true? Didn’t I settle the score?

But really sometimes I’m just not so sure,

Creeping up—an old frenemy, trying to lure.

That distant old feeling, a punch to the gut,

And that voice in my head saying cut cut cut.

I know that I’m better. I know that I’m strong.

So why do I still have days that feel wrong?

I got this. I know it. No need to fret.

This pain’s just a shadow—I’m not done yet.

Just breathe and live—ride through the strife,

I’ve come too far to go back to the knife.

I got this. I know it. I will be okay.

This too shall pass. It won’t always stay.

Used to be so down, used to want to die,

Used to cover my scars, used to always cry.

But I’m still here, better than ever before—

Right? That’s still true? Didn’t I settle the score?

But really sometimes I’m just not so sure,

Creeping up—an old frenemy, trying to lure.

That distant old feeling, a punch to the gut,

And that voice in my head saying cut cut cut.

I know that I’m better. I know that I’m strong.

So why do I still have days that feel wrong?

I’m still here. Better than ever before.

That is still true—I have settled the score.

Some days remind me of feelings gone past,

But I’m strong enough to know they won’t last.

Yes, I’m still here—better than ever before.

I’ll be okay, of that I’m sure.

Used to be so down, used to want to die,

Used to cover my scars, used to always cry.

But I’m still here, better than ever before—

Yes, that is true. I have settled that score.