[Verse 1]
You said, "What’s the dog doin’?"
He’s sittin’ right there.
You said, "Is it still rainin’?"
Look out the damn window, dear.
The man of the house
got one job left to do:
nod and say, "Yes, baby,"
while he’s already told you.
[Pre-Chorus]
I keep it calm
I keep it kind
I read the room
I read your mind
[Chorus]
Happy wife, happy life, man
That’s the old-board line
F*** that s***
I’m tellin’ it right
If it’s ninety-nine degrees
and you ask me, "Is it hot?"
I say, "Sweetheart, it’s cookin’"
then I hand you what I’ve got
[Verse 2]
You said, "Do these pants make me look thin?"
Man, that’s a trap.
You said, "Should I call your mom now?"
I said, "Why would I say that?"
I can fix a fence, change a tire,
haul a couch with pride,
but this little quiz show
gets me every time.
[Pre-Chorus]
I don’t need a key
I don’t need a map
I just smile through
and I answer fast
[Chorus]
Happy wife, happy life, man
That’s the old-board line
F*** that s***
I’m tellin’ it right
If it’s ninety-nine degrees
and you ask me, "Is it hot?"
I say, "Sweetheart, it’s cookin’"
then I hand you what I’ve got
[Bridge]
There’s a skill to the silence
there’s a sport to the stare
There’s a whole lot of wisdom
in saying, "You’re right, yeah"
And if the couch is the courtroom
I’ll plead my little case
with a grin, a beer, and a pillow
on the far side of the place
[Chorus]
Happy wife, happy life, man
That’s the old-board line
F*** that s***
I’m tellin’ it right
If it’s ninety-nine degrees
and you ask me, "Is it hot?"
I say, "Sweetheart, it’s cookin’"
then I hand you what I’ve got
[Outro]
Yeah, I answer dumb questions
like a pro every day
Say, "Yes, ma’am," "No, ma’am"
and I live to play
Happy wife, happy life, man
I know what’s true
A happy house is built
on "whatever you say, too"