Still here

The ceiling knows my name by now

I’ve been staring holes in it

Same cracks, same shadows on the wall

Same night I never quit

My phone lights up but not for me

Just ghosts from yesterday

Everyone keeps moving on

I’m stuck in place, afraid

They say it gets better with time

But time just learned how to lie

I’m still here, somehow

Breathing feels like work

Smiling like a habit I forgot

How to make it hurt

If surviving counts as living

Then I guess I’m doing fine

I’m still here, somehow

But I’m dying every night

I talk to people in my head

Who don’t talk back anymore

I replay words I should’ve said

Like they’ll change something this time

My heart’s a house with all the lights

Left on but no one home

I’ve learned how to be lonely

Even when I’m not alone

They say “be strong, you’ll be okay”

I’m tired of being brave

I’m still here, somehow

Counting every scar

Trying to remember who I was

Before I fell apart

If surviving counts as living

Then I guess I’ll toe the line

I’m still here, somehow

But I’m dying every night

If I disappear tomorrow

Would it echo or be quiet?

Would my name just lose its meaning

Or finally feel light?

I don’t want to be a tragedy

I don’t want to be a sign

I just want to wake up

And not feel like I’m behind

I’m still here, somehow

Holding onto air

Waiting for a reason

Or a proof that someone cares

If surviving counts as living

Then I’ll try one more time

I’m still here, somehow

Please tell me that’s enough

The ceiling knows my name by now

I wish it knew the cure

I’m still here… somehow

Not sure what for