The ceiling knows my name by now
I’ve been staring holes in it
Same cracks, same shadows on the wall
Same night I never quit
My phone lights up but not for me
Just ghosts from yesterday
Everyone keeps moving on
I’m stuck in place, afraid
They say it gets better with time
But time just learned how to lie
I’m still here, somehow
Breathing feels like work
Smiling like a habit I forgot
How to make it hurt
If surviving counts as living
Then I guess I’m doing fine
I’m still here, somehow
But I’m dying every night
I talk to people in my head
Who don’t talk back anymore
I replay words I should’ve said
Like they’ll change something this time
My heart’s a house with all the lights
Left on but no one home
I’ve learned how to be lonely
Even when I’m not alone
They say “be strong, you’ll be okay”
I’m tired of being brave
I’m still here, somehow
Counting every scar
Trying to remember who I was
Before I fell apart
If surviving counts as living
Then I guess I’ll toe the line
I’m still here, somehow
But I’m dying every night
If I disappear tomorrow
Would it echo or be quiet?
Would my name just lose its meaning
Or finally feel light?
I don’t want to be a tragedy
I don’t want to be a sign
I just want to wake up
And not feel like I’m behind
I’m still here, somehow
Holding onto air
Waiting for a reason
Or a proof that someone cares
If surviving counts as living
Then I’ll try one more time
I’m still here, somehow
Please tell me that’s enough
The ceiling knows my name by now
I wish it knew the cure
I’m still here… somehow
Not sure what for