Verse 1
I don’t need the high-note screaming,
I don’t need the diva glow.
Every store keeps blasting Mariah,
And I just can’t take one more show.
Every aisle, every station,
That same jingle hits my ear…
And if I hear that whistle tone,
I’m out the door ’til New Year.
Pre-Chorus
All the speakers start to shake,
All the windows start to cry.
I can’t escape that Christmas song
No matter how I try.
Chorus
All I don’t want for Christmas… is Mariah.
No more runs that pierce the sky-ah.
Turn the volume way down low,
Before my sanity lets go.
All I don’t want for Christmas… is Mariah.
Please, I’m beggin’ you — just try a
Different playlist this year,
’Cause I can’t take one more cheer.
Verse 2
Every checkout line is screaming,
Every mall is way too loud.
And the minute that voice kicks in,
People gather like a crowd.
I’m just trying to buy some wrapping,
Maybe grab a snack or two…
But then she belts another run
And shatters aisle twenty-two.
Pre-Chorus
Yeah, the holidays are fun,
But I’ve got one simple plea:
Can we make it through December
With at least one song Mariah-free?
Chorus
All I don’t want for Christmas… is Mariah.
Not that song — Lord, not that choir.
Every year it hits my brain
Like a candy-coated train.
All I don’t want for Christmas… is Mariah.
Even Santa would retire
If he had to hear that track
On loop ’til he came back.
Bridge
Oh, I get she’s iconic,
And the world adores her voice,
But after thirty Christmases,
Do we really have a choice?
I’m not asking for a miracle,
Just some breathing room to hear
One more song that isn’t hers
Before we hit next year.
Chorus
All I don’t want for Christmas… is Mariah.
Yeah, that whistle takes me higher—
Straight into a meltdown cry
As it echoes miles high.
All I don’t want for Christmas… is Mariah.
Give those speakers a good rest…
’Cause I’m begging you, my dear:
All I don’t want for Christmas… is Mariah.
