Title: “I Drive Like Shit” 🎵
(In the voice of an overwhelmed Indian trucker on his first U.S. haul)
⸻
[Verse 1]
I got my license in Jackson Heights,
Paid five hundred under neon lights.
Didn’t know a clutch from a coffee cup—
But the broker said, “Just gear it up!”
Loaded onions in the Bronx at night,
Next thing I’m dozing by Jersey’s lights.
Missed the ramp and kissed a guardrail—
Cursed my stars in Hindi and wailed:
⸻
[Chorus]
A ding ding do, a ding ding da,
I drive like shit, but I go so far!
White knuckles gripped, this rig don’t quit—
The brakes don’t work, but I won’t admit!
A ding ding do, a ding ding da,
Please tell my wife I crashed near Omaha…
I drive like shit! I drive like shit!
⸻
[Verse 2]
In Ohio, I hit a deer—
Didn’t stop, I just changed gear.
In Kansas, I forgot to rest—
Ten Red Bulls, and a failing test.
I asked Siri, “How to downshift?”
She said, “Buddy, that’s a death wish.”
I called dispatch and they just laughed—
“Welcome to the road, you crazy daft!”
⸻
[Chorus]
A ding ding do, a ding ding da,
I drive like shit, but I pass the bar!
Got ticketed in Colorado Springs—
For using my horn at everything.
A ding ding do, a ding ding da,
My GPS just led me through a spa!
I drive like shit! I drive like shit!
⸻
[Verse 3]
L.A.’s close, and I’ve lost my mind,
Ran four tolls and left two signs behind.
Tried to park, but I hit a pole—
Blamed it on “ghost in cruise control.”
Now I pray to Ganesh and light incense,
Beg the DOT for common sense.
If I make it home with all my toes,
I swear I’ll open a 7-Eleven and close!
⸻
[Final Chorus]
A ding ding do, a ding ding da,
I drive like shit—no blah blah blah!
From Queens to Cali, I shook the Earth,
Still don’t know what a Jake Brake’s worth!
A ding ding do, a ding ding da,
This trucking life is pure masala!
I drive like shit! I drive like shiiiiiit!
