The man I’m still becoming

“The Man I’m Still Becoming”

Yeah…

October was supposed to change our lives.

I was supposed to hold my baby,

watch you become a mother,

and finally become the man I should’ve been.

Now I’m left with every word and choice

I wish I could take back.

Next month was supposed to be the first time that I met you,

Little hands, little heartbeat, dreams I never got to step through.

I wonder what you’d look like, if you’d have your daddy’s eyes,

If I’d whisper, “I love you,” underneath those hospital lights.

But October’s getting closer, and the ache won’t let me sleep,

’Cause I can’t undo the damage or retrieve what we can’t keep.

I know I let you down, I know I made you feel alone,

Turned a place that should’ve felt like home into a war zone.

Now you keep your distance, and I understand the reason,

I broke your trust with every fight, each careless word and leaving.

If I could pull those moments back—the anger, lies, and pride—

I’d give anything to see the love return to your eyes.

I hurt every day, though I hide it when I’m breathing,

October’s on the way, and I’m still searching for a meaning.

We were meant to be a family—three hearts, one home, one name,

Now I’m standing in the silence, trying not to drown in blame.

I can’t rewrite yesterday or erase what I put you through,

But I can change the man I am and prove my words are true.

If you ever give me one more chance to show you who I am,

I’ll spend my life becoming the father and the man.

I’m not asking you to forget; I know healing takes its time.

And “I’ve changed” is just a sentence till my actions match the line.

I finally see the truth I couldn’t face back then:

I was meant to guard your heart, not be the wound beneath your skin.

I hate the way I acted, all the damage I created,

All the nights you cried alone, all the trust I complicated.

I can’t carry off your pain or make the past release,

But I can stop repeating it and give you room for peace.

And our baby still lives in every future I imagine,

In the laughter in the hallway, in the life we never had yet.

I would’ve held them through the midnight, taught them right from wrong,

Sang “Daddy loves you” softly till the fear was gone.

That’s why the loss cuts deeper than I ever knew it could:

I lost a chance to raise a child and become somebody good.

So I’m building from the wreckage, one honest step at a time,

Not to force you to return, but to leave my past behind.

I hurt every day, though I hide it when I’m breathing,

October’s on the way, and I’m still searching for a meaning.

We were meant to be a family—three hearts, one home, one name,

Now I’m standing in the silence, trying not to drown in blame.

I can’t rewrite yesterday or erase what I put you through,

But I can change the man I am and prove my words are true.

If you ever give me one more chance to show you who I am,

I’ll spend my life becoming the father and the man.

If you never come back, I’ll respect the choice you