It shouldn’t matter

We were fine in the daytime

When nothing asked too much

You were easy to be around

You were easy to love

But the nights would change you

When you tried to numb your past

I kept hoping I’d be enough

And you’d be happy at last

I told myself it was nothing

Just another phase

But some things don’t get better

They just wear you away

It shouldn’t matter but it does

That I was never enough

I stayed up waiting for your love

While you were giving up

I tried to hold us together

While you were coming undone

I thought you were the one

I knew the sound of your breathing

When you couldn’t sleep

I knew the look in your eyes

When you’d disappear from me

I kept saying “tomorrow”

Like it still had a chance

But tomorrow kept showing me

What we didn’t have

I learned the hard kind of loving

That doesn’t get returned

Some lessons come easy

This one had to burn

It shouldn’t matter but it does

That I wanted you to stay

That I needed you sober

In every quiet way

I tried to love you through it

Tried to save what I could

But loving you meant losing me

The nights were long and restless

I barely slept at all

I kept replaying every word

Like it might stop the fall

I don’t hate you, I don’t blame you

I just finally see

I can’t be what you need

If you can’t be here with me

It shouldn’t matter but it does

That I still wish you well

That I hope you found your way back

From wherever you fell

I loved you and got nothing back

And that’s the truth I know

I didn’t stop loving you

I just had to let you go

Because of you

I found myself