Push Away

I sing and don’t sound good. I feel depressed and I think I should. Tired but a lot on my mind, past mistakes and bad memories, tis the season of love and I don’t got none, tis the season of happiness and fun, instead I just wanna run, away from my mind and my life, start over and leave everyone and everything. This life is so pointless in the grand scheme of everything. How can I matter? How can I care? How can I feel love when I don’t love myself? How can I feel anything with nobody there? I just stand, stop and stare, into the void, into the memories, into the mental trauma. Maybe I push everyone who gets close. Maybe I make everything up in my head. Maybe the anxiety isn’t real, maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I don’t deserve everything I want in life. Stress pushing from every single side. Motivation is like my self esteem, wake up everyday, living the dream, dreams are nightmares too, it’s silly but true. I need you. I need you there for me. I need you to listen. I need a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I shouldn’t be sad but here we are. I wanna disappear and see if anyone cares. Maybe for a day, maybe for a year. Maybe nobody sheds a single tear. Oh, hi fear. I’ll sit in the passengers seat, you can steer. Oh, you’re in full control. Slow down, you’re going too fast. Gonna crash, out, too late, hit the brake, what’s it gonna take? Pull over and let me go. I don’t wanna be with you anymore.