When I’m alone

I don’t even know how to say this…

People don’t talk about it ‘cause it’s embarrassing

But maybe somebody needs to hear it

When I’m home alone, that’s when the war begins

Fear knockin’ at the door, lust livin’ in my skin

I preach about God but I still fall apart

Temptation whispers softly while it’s tearin’ through my heart

I was just a kid, curious, exposed too young

Now I’m fightin’ demons with a loaded tongue

Everybody says “just stop,” like it’s easy to quit

But addictions dig roots when you grow up with it

Few weeks clean, thought I finally escaped

Then I broke down again and I hated my face

No closure, empty room, dark screen glowin’

Tryna fill a hole inside that just keeps growin’

And I miss that feeling

Back when my soul felt alive

The day I got baptized

Felt Heaven in my eyes

Now I’m sittin’ here wonderin’

If I wandered too far

Prayin’ God still hears me

With this mess in my heart

When I’m alone

The silence gets loud

Shame in my chest

Tryna drag me down

I know I’m broken

But I’m not gone

I still believe

Even when faith feels wrong

And I hope my family still loves me

Even when I’m weak

‘Cause I’ve been fightin’ battles

I don’t know how to speak

When I’m alone…

This world made poison easy to access

One click away when your mind is restless

People joke about it, say “everybody does it”

But nobody talks about the chains that come with it

I know it’s killin’ pieces of my soul slowly

I know God’s there but lately I feel lonely

Haven’t felt the Holy Ghost in so long

Still singin’ worship while I write these wrongs

Kids I could’ve had, dreams I could’ve built

Instead I chased a feeling that just left me with guilt

And I know this track is different from the songs I make

But I couldn’t keep pretending I was okay

So if you hear this

And you’re just like me

Late night, room dark

Beggin’ to be free

You are not the only one

Fightin’ through the shame

Sometimes the strongest people

Are the ones who break

When I’m alone

The enemy gets strong

Tellin’ me I’m dirty

Tellin’ me I’m gone

But somewhere deep inside me

There’s still a light

Even if I’m crawling

I’m still tryin’ to fight

And maybe God still loves me

Even with these scars

Maybe grace still reaches

People in the dark

When I’m alone…

I’m still here…

Still fighting.