Hands That Taught Me How

You were there on the sidelines

Calling out my name

Mud on my shoes

Grass in my hair

You were proud of me anyway

Now I stare at your old armchair

Like it might answer back

Every joke you left hanging

Echoes in the cracks

I keep reaching for a hand that taught me how

To tie my shoes

To stand my ground

To say I'm scared and say it out loud

Papa

Where are you now?

I keep talking to your photograph somehow

Like you're just late

You'll be back in an hour

But the house stays quiet

And I stay small

Losing you feels like losing it all

Your coat’s on the same hook

Keys in the same glass bowl

Your handwriting on the fridge note

"Don’t forget to lock the door"

I still drive by your old work

Slow at the yellow light

Hoping for a glimpse of you

Crossing back into my life

I keep reaching for a hand that taught me how

To fix what’s broke

To laugh out loud

To say I’m wrong and still feel proud

Papa

Where are you now?

I keep talking to your photograph somehow

Tracing every line on your tired brow

But the chair stays empty

And I stay small

Losing you feels like losing it all

People say it softens with time (do they know?)

But some days

It hits like the first night (won’t let go)

I wear your old sweater till the sleeves wear thin

Just to feel you on my skin (oh papa)

I keep reaching for a hand that taught me how

To hold on tight

To turn around

When someone needs you

Drop your doubts

Papa

Where are you now?

I keep talking to your photograph somehow

Till my eyes blur

Till my knees hit the ground

If love is forever

Then you still call

But losing you

Feels like losing it all