Beware of Pug

[Verse 1]
I’m in the truck like
“Route 2B… oh, that house again”
Metal gate, big yard
Little cardboard coffin in my hand
Every day same thing
Walk up, knees start knockin’
Soon as my foot hits gravel
That growl start body rockin’ (woah)
Deep bark, sounds huge
Like it bench presses pit bulls
Chain clank, teeth snap
I’m picturing headlines, clips, news
Neighbor yelling “He bites!”
I’m like “I know, I heard!”
I scan the box real subtle
“Return to sender” sounds like a perk
[Chorus]
Every day, same house, same road, same truck
Same bark, same fear, same “Lord, that’s tough” (yeah)
I’m a brave grown man ‘til this gate act up
Whole job on pause, I’m afraid of a pug
(What?)
Afraid of a pug
Don’t know it yet but I’m afraid of a pug (uh)
Mailman of the month but I freeze up
Whole tough-guy act getting wrecked by a pug
[Verse 2]
Supervisor on my phone like
“Why this package always late?”
I’m like “Sir, there’s a beast
Doing demon choir at the gate”
He say “Ring the bell, be firm”
I say “Cool, I’ll try”
Meanwhile I’m Googling
“Career change, how to fly”
Day three, I gear up
Pep talk, chest out, deep breath
Got snacks, thick pants
Helmet like I’m prepped for death
Gate creaks, bark booms
I jump, drop box, off-balance
Old lady opens door laughing
“Sweetie, meet my ball of malice”
[Chorus]
Every day, same house, same road, same truck
Same bark, same fear, same “Lord, that’s tough” (hey)
I’m a brave grown man ‘til this gate act up
Whole job on pause, I’m afraid of a pug
(For real)
Afraid of a pug
Don’t know it yet but I’m afraid of a pug
Mailman of the month but I freeze up
Whole tough-guy act getting wrecked by a pug
[Bridge]
[Beat drops to bass and snaps]
Slow motion, I look down
See this… loaf with legs
Tiny face, crooked smile
Little chest all full of threats
Snorting, wheezing, doing laps
Round my boot like it’s a track
I been out here fearing Cerberus
It’s three potatoes in a stack (c’mon)
Old lady says “He’s toothless”
Dog got one fang, that’s it
I been planning out my will
For a creature built like a brick
Now I’m like “My bad, lil dude”
He still barking from the rug
Name tag shining on his collar:
“DOOMSDAY”… under it, “Pug”
[Chorus]
Every day, same house, same road, same truck
Same bark, same fear, then a plot-twist chuckle (yeah)
I’m a brave grown man, got my courage back up
‘Cause the monster at the gate is a six-pound pug
(Okay)
Just a pug
Whole horror movie over one small pug (woo)
Now I walk that path with my chin all up
But I still flinch a little when he sneeze too much (ay)

rap, Playful jazzy trap with male vocals; swung hi-hats and skittering 808s under a lazy upright bass line and smoky Rhodes chords. Verses stay tight and rhythmic with deadpan storytelling, ad-libs peppered in; chorus opens with sing-rap hook and stacked harmonies on the punchlines. Occasional horn stabs answer the vocal; final reveal lands with a comedic beat drop and sparse drums for the punchline., jazzy, male vocals