Autumn

I am four decades deep, the chill cuts sharper now, my overcoat is weighty and worn.

Your laughter echoes, still bright, I look upward as though you stand above me, smiling, eternal.

I press forward, memories sprinting past autumn fields, harvest rides, and hollowed pumpkins.

The horizon glows with molten gold,

And I collapse into the safety of you, on long drives home.

I still don’t fully grasp why the leaves surrender their green in fall,

But I understand that you met every storm with fearless grace.

I never knew the geography of fairy tales or castles,

But I knew the geography of your love—

And every day spent with you was the finest of my life.

Adolescence carved its cruelties deep,

I was thirteen and bewildered by deception,

Returning home in tears, an unfamiliar familiar awaits with a shalllow embrace.

You seized the keys,

And we escaped, driving until the unfamiliar swallowed the familiar.

We wandered dangerous streets, speaking of everything and nothing,

Until the sting of my sins dissolved as his laugh reflected in glass shop windows.

All day in crowded halls and whispered secrets, I danced alone;

I knew The car rides with you always filled that void.

I didn’t know how long sorrow lingers,

But I knew every hour with you was a reprieve,

The best day, disguised in the ordinary.

I had a father of iron and gentleness,

His strength lent sinew to my own.

Divinity smiled upon my oldest sister,

Brilliant in ways I could never match.

We lived in a house where the walls held light,

And boundless earth where our memories took flight,

And in that expanse, I discovered the best days, with you.

A relic survives: an image of me at three.

You spread vinyl upon the carpet floor,

Laid me down amongst them with you right beside me

Worm out from song selecting you continued on as you watch over me

You were the sovereign beauty of my small universe,

And my mother’s love shaped the map of my world.

Now I know why the trees transform each autumn—

Time demands its own renewal.

You steered me home when my compass lost its way.

I remember the eyes you gave, letting me stumble and fall.

And if my days with you were ever unclear, hear it now:

The finest days of my life

Were the ones spent alone with you.