Ash In My Lungs

Flick of a flame

Yellowed fingers

Cold air

Hot smoke

I’m somebody’s sinner

Morning throat like gravel

Cough up yesterday

Hands shake at the table

Calling it a “habit” feels too safe

Patch on my skin

But the craving gets in my head

Clock ticks like a trigger

Every second wants me dead

You’re the ghost in my chest

Nicotine

Clawing at my ribs when I try to breathe clean

Every drag

Every lie that I fed to myself

You were killing me slow while I was calling it help

I keep choking on the past I’ve breathed in

I wanna live

But you live in my skin

Walk past the store

Heart races

Feet stall

Cheap glass behind the counter

Little white coffins in a wall

I said “last pack” last winter

Said it again last week

I’m tired of bargaining lungs

With a voice that makes me weak

[low vocal register] Day one

I sweat through the night

Day three

Every nerve wants a fight

Day seven

Still tasting that tar on my tongue

Screaming at air

Like the war’s already won

But it’s not (not yet)

I still want it (I confess)

Still choosing every minute

Not to fill this hollow chest