Verse 1
We opened up the posting,
Thought we’d find the perfect fit.
Someone who loves history…
And actually teaches it.
Kim was laughing over lunch that day,
Then smiled and had to say…
🎶 “I inhaled a bean…”
Nobody questioned it.
We simply nodded…
…and moved on.
⸻
Chorus
🎶
We’re looking for a history teacher…
Someone who can make the past come alive.
Someone who knows the Constitution…
And helps our students thrive.
But every interview gets stranger,
Every answer steals the show…
We’re just trying to fill one opening…
How’d it end up like this?
⸻
Verse 2
One candidate had endless energy,
Talking faster than the speed of light.
Someone leaned across the table…
And quietly whispered…
🎶 “i think we need a Quayluud…”
Not because anything was wrong…
We just needed…
…a minute.
⸻
Spoken Interview
“Do you have experience with differentiated instruction?”
“I have… Baby socks.”
(Everyone silently writes notes.)
⸻
Bridge
We called one candidate The winker.
Another started Mansplaining the interview…
To the interview committee.
Someone mentioned…
“I have a Pit bull chiwawa with separation anxiety that is getting training. And I just moved in with my girlfriend.
Nobody followed up.
⸻
Spoken Interview
“What are your long-term career goals?”
“I’m coming out of retirement for this gig.”
”…That’s actually kind of inspiring.”
⸻
Final Chorus
🎶
We’re looking for a history teacher…
Someone to help young minds grow.
Just give us one smooth Genie nod…
And put on a great show.
Maybe you’re a Swing dancer…
Maybe you’re Going camping too…
Just please…
Don’t start with…
🎶 “I have a felony but…”
(Fade out with silky harmonies…)
