Different kind of pain

DIFFERENT KIND OF PAIN

Water running, hands against the sink,

Been standing here too long to even think.

Someone calls, I let it fade away,

Don’t have the strength to say I’m doing okay.

Made it through the day without a crack,

Smiled at everybody, smiled right back.

Now my keys are sitting by the door,

And I can’t hold that face up anymore.

I wish that I could let it fall,

Give this hurt somewhere to go.

There’s a scream behind these ribs,

But you’d never hear it in my voice.

When your heart cries, but your eyes don’t,

When you need to break, but your body won’t,

You lie there waiting for the tears like rain—

That’s a different kind of pain.

Dry eyes, but it hurts so deep,

Whole night, and I still can’t sleep.

No tears running down my face—

Just a heart that cries in their place.

That’s a different kind of pain.

Someone asked me how I’ve been these days,

Said, “I’m good,” before I felt a thing.

Almost called them back to tell the truth,

But I don’t know where I’d even begin.

Dinner getting cold beside the bed,

Old conversations playing in my head.

I turn the TV up to fill the room,

Still hear everything I’m trying not to.

I wish that I could let it fall,

I don’t need to look so strong.

Everybody thinks I’m healing,

’Cause I haven’t cried in so long.

When your heart cries, but your eyes don’t,

When you need to break, but your body won’t,

You lie there waiting for the tears like rain—

That’s a different kind of pain.

Dry eyes, but it hurts so deep,

Whole night, and I still can’t sleep.

No tears running down my face—

Just a heart that cries in their place.

That’s a different kind of pain.

If I let you see me like this,

Could you stay without a word?

Could you hold me through the silence,

Even when it doesn’t hurt less?

I don’t need you to explain it,

I just need somebody near.

Let me lay my head a minute—

I’ve been holding it up for years.

When my heart cries, but my eyes don’t,

When I need to break, but my body won’t,

Would you stay and wait with me for rain?

This is a different kind of pain.

Dry eyes, but I feel so much,

Can’t find words, so I reach for your touch.

No tears running down my face—

Please don’t think that means I’m okay.

That’s a different kind of pain.

My eyes are dry.

My chest still aches.

You ask again—

This time, I say,

“I’m not okay.”