My walk is a solo one as it coincides with where I am, never Rising far enough away from the bottom to lift myself out, I guess it makes the fall back here less painful ,
I am in a familiar place again not wanted not needed but looked upon with disgust and annoyance, as if my very existence aggravated and upset those around me for simply being, I'm too old for hopes and dreams that are too far off and fading, the only thing left now is to find a place to lie down, give up, give in, and wait, wait for whatever time has in store for me or when it is up, but I need not try anymore the outcome is always the same, I end up back here on the bottom watching everything float away beyond my grasp, I see no future, it has past, doubt regret and sorrow are my present, if self pity is my only friend, then it will be my best friend, it will be my last friend,
I have nothing to leave it's all been contaminated, I can not allow anyone to touch it for they might be infected by what is in me, FAILURE, so the least I can do is take it with me, So I separated myself as much as I could from those who might be too close, so that they would not taste the bitterness that flavors my fountain, I hope I have consumed all of it, so that none may leak into the Sweet Waters that the rest of you drink from, may no one ever know the reality that is mine, to know such failure is to know no hope, maybe I can have some solace in the fact that I consumed enough, and spared someone from going through this as I did, I hope I was enough of a glutton so that there's none left for anyone, I believe what people say about me now, I have no other option I have dug in and I'll wait for the last breath the last sigh, with it the relief that my suffering is finally over, and others will not worry about when will I call, show up or having to avoid me and my pathetic life, This is Not By Any Means what I wanted but it's what I got and I have to take it, there's nothing else for me to choose from, nothing else wants me, nothing else sees a need for me anymore, quietly, I hope quickly it will come and it will go, taking me with it so that I and everyone who's ever had the unfortunate fate of knowing me, now begin to forget who I was, And why i was so easily disposed of, may they all go forward happier, better off,
moving past the disappointing memories of me, to where
I no longer exists in their reality
nor dreams anymore
