I want you to know that not one day goes by that you don't cross my mind. I remember the times when you were babies. You guys kept me busy. It was probably the best time in my life. I wish I would have known how to keep it together. I was battling demons that not many knew about yet. Well close family did. I don't seem to be able to remember all of it. I think that's due to the use of drugs, alcohol, mental shut offs, meds, life's cruel ways. I tried to keep it away. I creeped in anyway. That's when things got really wrong. With what I was already dealing with in my head, I couldn't handle all that was going on. That's when it really fell apart. I meant to make things right. What happened was more separation and hurt. Then came being a grandma. I wanted to be there so much more. I was held at bay. Why? No one would say. I knew that it would've been better if I had done things in a different way. I did what I could to help in every way. I tried to hold us together with no indication. I lost it all. I've tried to do the right thing but it seems to cause more tension. So I've backed away, and that's not the answer to my life I don't know. I can only hope they know about the love I have for them. I'm sad to say I know they don't. I pray that someday I can know the people that I love. I only see them from afar. No hugs, no kisses, only dreams and wishes that some day I hope to not just whisper that I do love you. They will hear me say it with those hugs and kisses
I loved taking you fishing. Making your own poles. Looking for mushrooms never finding not one. Camping, cook outs, and Halloween fun. The easter Traver took pictures saying he ate all the candy. That was a real dandy. There were good times. We had lots of fun.
HBIC