This isn’t your grandma’s ghost tails

[Verse 1]
Your grandma’s tales were always weak,
but now they’re old and harmless too
A cat’s meow would strike more fear than all the ghastly tales she spun.
[Thirteen ghosts howling in unison]
[Chorus]
Your grandma’s tales are much too sweet.
They wouldn’t scare a mother’s child
or put a chill down any spine
that watched the Munsters on TV.
[Verse 2]
If you think your grandma scared you
with all her ghostly tales of old,
how creepy goblins in the woods
used moldy bones for picking teeth
[Verse 3]
and slobbered while they chewed on flesh
that once belonged to folks she knew
but now filled gullets and made them fat
then you have yet to live in fear.
[Chorus]
Your grandma’s tales are much too sweet.
They wouldn’t scare a mother’s child
or put a chill down any spine
that watched the Munsters on TV.
[Bridge]
Listen! Can you hear the children?
They’re children of the night who sing
from deep inside the jackal’s gut
where they now call for you my friend.
[Verse 4]
Just come to my old creepy house
and listen to my screaming walls
that breathe with tales of shattered souls
and look right through your frightened eyes.
[Chorus]
Your grandma’s tales are much too sweet.
They wouldn’t scare a mother’s child
or put a chill down any spine
that watched the Munsters on TV.
[Outro]
Listen! Can you hear the children?
They’re children of the night who sing
from deep within the jackal’s gut
where they now call for you my friend.
[howling jackals and maniacal laughter]

Sad classical music, so soft it whispers like a female contralto sings like a hag, oboe, flute, bassoon, string quartet