It's been so long since I've tried to write down or express my feelings I shut down a lot of my emotions for a long time now so I hope you value what I'm trying to do here for us and our relationship moving forward this is the start of me opening up to you again and trusting you not to hurt me cheat on me lie to me or try to expose me and hurt me I want to move past the past few years and live happy again I think if we both try this time and commit the way we should to each other we can do it even if it's something we might get mad about it has to be said no bottling it up anymore secrets I really hope I'm not in here long this time I got kicked out of dorms last night I threw my cup at the nurse they haven't been giving me my Tylenol or fucking anything from my back. I've been so stiff and in so much pain when I move it feels like the blood rushes to my head and like I'm going to pass out I don't know what else I'm supposed to do to get any meds in here I can't wait for your money order to come in so I can call you everyday I'm missing you so much this time and every day it's getting more and more depressing I just want you to at least be able to talk to you baby I haven't even been able to talk to my lawyer yet either like between bill or being sentenced I have no fucking idea what's going to happen to me it is making the days go by so fucking slowly I seriously do miss you little baby you're all I've been thinking about not being able to call is making me so fucking irritable and I fucking hate riding with these stupid pencils I haven't wrote out for express my feelings in a very long time so I hope you can appreciate that I'm trying to make some better changes and one of them being me trying to talk about our feelings more well that didn't take long they put me back in the dorm the jail is over full right now go to sleep but mattresses on the floors at least get the bottom bunk and double mattress the no medication is really pissing me off. I don't really know what to keep on writing I really hope for our relationship finally changes for the better this time
