this one is me talking to me
wrote this shit like no one would hear it
(Verse 1 – introspective nergy)
Yeah, I was stuck in the dark,
Didn’t know where to start,
Every day felt heavy
Like a weight on my heart.
I was hiding from the mirror,
Didn’t like what I’d see,
Told myself I was nothing,
Man, didn’t feel me.
Living scared of the light,
Didn’t sleep, didn’t eat,
Didn’t care about life.
All the pain I was holding
Was a storm unannounced—
Bottle after bottle just to try
To quiet the sound. ( in my mind)
(Hook –melodic/rap blend)
I’m not who I was,
Had to crawl through the dust.
Every tear that I shed
Was a moment I grew up.
Yeah, I carried that pain
Like a badge I ain’t love—
But I fought through the flame
Just to prove I’m enough.
I’m not—
I’m not who I was.
(Verse 2 – faster flow)
Look—
I was spiraling fast,
Didn’t think I would last.
Poppin’ anything I found
Tryna fade from the past.
I was drowning in the habits,
Only thought was suicide
Couldn’t escape the pain inside
Pill mix with alcohol to numb my life
Weed to numb all the feelings alright
Who I was
Who I was
(Yeah )
Lost my dad at 22
crazy thing is 22 is my favorite number
but dealt with more suffering then i want to remember
every day was rainy weather
but Really never got the chance to thank you
it’s been 4 years still miss you
Relationship was shaky
At the end I was blessed to have had you
As my dad
All memories in my brain are small
forever be remembered
As a father pushing his kid to do better
You served in Vietnam
Just to escape your reality
Funny how I do that same shit too
But I use alcohol
I’m starting to abuse it too
Is this me from my past or current me talkin
At this point what’s the difference
Only difference im not as bad as I was
I’m lucky I’m not 6 feet under from an od of drugs
35 shot in one night somehow I woke up
Cutting my wrists to see my blood come up
Not for attention either
I used my nails to cut me deep.
I was hoping it would finally put me to sleep
Thoughts about a knife
But only in my dream when I slept at night
Depression is candle I’m scared to touch
If the flame goes out my time might be up.
( time is up)
I don’t fear death I fear being alive
All the nights I was numb,
All the days I was high,
Every problem I faced
I kept choosing to run.
But the pain kept chasing,
Had me locked in a cage—
Till I snapped, stood up,
Get the hell out my way.
Now I’m fighting for peace,
Not the high or the thrill.
I’m learning healing don’t come
From a bottle or pills.
Had to face my reflection,
Had to bleed, had to trust…
Had to kill who I was
To become who I must.
(Bridge – soft, reflective)
Yeah, the scars still show,
But they tell me how far I’ve come.
I ain’t proud of the things I’ve done,
proud of the battle I won.
(Final Hook)
I’m not who I was,
All that pain, all that dust—
I turned it into strength,
Turned it into love.
Now I stand on the past
Like it’s under my boots…
I ain’t running from life —
I’m not—
I’m not who I was
DAS
