The Suckening

Ian...

He’s been waiting...

He’s been patient...

But he’s had enough.

He showed up clean, beard on trim

Fresh cologne and a confident grin

Wink in his step, juice in his walk

He’s not here to chat — he’s here to talk

"I bought the drinks, I danced the floor,

I held the door, what’s it all for?"

He raised his glass, looked to the sky

And screamed with soul, "It’s time I fly!"

Ian needs his d sucked,

Bassline thumpin’, fate’s been tucked

He’s polite, but he’s in a rut

Tonight's the night, unholy smut

Raise your hands, if you understand

Our boy Ian needs a loving hand

No shame, no guilt, no fear, just luck

Help this man get his — what what what?!

"S-s-s-s-sucked!"

"I-I-I-Ian!"

"Oh my god, he’s serious!"

Swipe left, swipe right, this game’s insane

But Ian’s will is hurricane

He’s not crude, he’s just direct

"Let’s talk lips — out of respect."

“This ain’t about lust, it’s about vibes.

About destiny.

About… the sacred act of reciprocation.”

Ian needs it, say it proud

Let the synths scream it loud

One man’s quest, one goal in sight

He came to party — and get things right

Ian, Ian, champion of fate

Some call it crude, but girl it’s fate

So gather ‘round, don’t leave him stuck

Tonight’s the night — he gets that suck

Sucked…

Sucked…

Sucked…