Couch Cushions

I was chillin’ in the living room, lookin’ for the remote

Flipped the cushion over, and my brain began to bloat

There was a hole sliced clean, like it came from a knife

I said, “What the hell is this?!”—he said, “It’s part of life…”

He grinned real slow, didn’t break a sweat

Said, “Don’t judge me yet…”

‘Cause couch cushions don’t say no!

That’s what he said, bro!

While I’m watchin’ Netflix,

He’s doin’ things I don’t wanna know!

He said, “Don’t act shocked, you’ve done worse, I know!”

But nah, man—

Couch cushions… bro!

Now every time I sit, I feel so wrong

Like I’m intrudin’ on a love that’s long gone

He named it “Abby” or maybe “Rose”

All I know is Febreze can’t clean what my soul knows

I tried to forget, but the hole still stares

That couch got trauma it’ll never repair!

Couch cushions don’t say no!

That’s what he told me, though!

While I was cleanin’ up crumbs,

He was bringin’ the show!

I said, “You need therapy!”

He said, “Probably so…”

But he still claims—

Couch cushions don’t say no!

Dude… that’s why the dog won’t sit there anymore.

Couch cushions don’t say no!

They just silently go with the flow!

It’s gross, it’s wrong, it’s borderline crime

But he doubled down like “It’s not the first time!”

So if your seat feels warm and low…

Now you know—

Couch cushions don’t say no!