Do I Watch You Leave Or Pull You Back?

You are so different, it’s something

I have never had before!

I try to push you away

so I don’t have to face the truth.

I’m so confused about what to do,

and now I don’t know what to say to you.

I fight to push you away

because it is easier to leave

than to have to feel this way.

I know it’s right but wish it were wrong.

You still have that smile on your face,

even though I am not kind at all.

I fear the future,

the present,

and my past.

I’m not sure which way to go,

but I think I might end up alone.

Do I watch you leave or pull you back?

I make you sleep on the couch,

And still you stay.

In my bed, alone feels safer

than letting you in my heart or

even having you hold me in your arms.

I watch you sleep,

as my eyes fill with tears.

Then, tears fall down my face,

Knowing that you won’t stick around.

Cause, I feel I’m making you drown.

Everyone leaves,

that’s the way it seems.

Overthinking fills my mind

and helps me make sense of it all.

It’s the reason why I always fall.

Quietness fills the room,

where laughter and smiles used to be.

How do we get through

what has gone so wrong?

It won’t be long

because this is how

it always comes to an end.

I wish it were all just in my head.

I fear the future,

the present,

and my past.

I’m not sure which way to go,

but I think I might end up alone.

Do I watch you leave or pull you back?

Oh, can we find that place

where we were, or is it too late

to mend all this pain?

Please stay for a little longer,

even though I pushed you away.

I won’t beg you to stay,

but I will cry as

I watch you walk away.

I have no one to blame but myself,

and the pain

will continue to find its place in me again.

I should have asked you to stay,

but my fear knows you are already gone.