Heavy heart

Feeling very heavy on the heart. 
How many punches are you supposed to roll with before it's a felony....Life is beating the crap out of me and there seems to be no referee.. Every time i count a blessing it seems to be taken away no matter how hard i fight for it.
Not saying I don't have anything to be grateful for because I truly do. I just want that constant burning in my chest and the butterflys in my stomach to go away.
My head never stops remembering, over thinking, wondering, wishing, what iffing...
Along with my heart feeling tattered beatin and broken apart somehow it's still beating.
I know everything will turn around i know it will  with time and a whole lot more punches but..
Can someone just let me stop for a drink of water and a few bandaid's so i can carry on with the battle im fighting with a broken heart and no shoulder to lean on.I pray for strength and the day this battle will pay but it's. It's Seemingly endless with fireflies tricking me, pretending to be little glimpses of light at the end of this dark tunnel...
Feeling very heavy on the heart. 
How many punches are you supposed to roll with before it's a felony....Life is beating the crap out of me and there seems to be no referee.. Every time i count a blessing it seems to be taken away no matter how hard i fight for it.
Not saying I don't have anything to be grateful for because I truly do. I just want that constant burning in my chest and the butterflys in my stomach to go away.
My head never stops remembering,,

this is me to past me, unfortunately  we lost  almost  everybody,  but gained, love and loyalty,  honesty,  and trust, it's not gone because of the, past we went  through,  
survival,  happens, everyone cards  are on the table and we see completely clearly,  
we turned out ok lucky,  no injections no drug over doses,  no crazy  drunken situations,  no jail,  it's a little  better  each  step,  Garden angel watching  over  me,  bad days  some  better some more  then better  then  ever,  almost,  most happy  found  love , working  on life,  
but  you made  it so far, 
love is back im outer heart,  it's healing as much  as it can, 
found  my best friend lover everything, at the end of that storm,  love has ben put back in this tattered heart, pumping life back into my soul,  trust  I didn't think  I'd know again,  stronger now survived the worst that could  ever happen to me, 
came out wiser,  all their cards  were  on tge table,  didn't  think  I could  see, I did  and it paid  off for me future  me, we survived and found  love, loyalty,  trust, it's back not lost,  she showed me my baby,  my bifocals 20/20 I can  see clearly,  love back  in me, we survived and filled a tattered beatin heart,

Metal. Screaming vocals. Voiced. Deth metal.  Electric metal. Devil music. Dubstep. Hard rock. Hard-core metal. Hip-Hop.