Stu(dying)

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Coffee’s cold again — ugh, whatever

Eyes are red, haven’t slept in forever (like fuck sleep! Am I right?.. oh god...)

Blank page, but it screams in my head —

“C’mon, focus... please,” is all I said

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Notes like chains, wrap ‘round tight

Sleep’s a myth, yeah, not tonight

Is this knowledge or punishment?

(...feels like both)

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Ohh woahhh woahh

I’m just stu(dying),

Slowly untying — or unraveling?

Myself from who I used to be

Grades define me, yeah they own me

While dreams decline me

Ohh woahhh woahh

This isn't learning — it’s losing me

Yeah, I’m stu(dying),

But mostly dying

Bit by bit, inside this seat —

“Should I even be here?”

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Eyes blur lines, not just the page

I’m memorizing but nothing stays

Mental health on a sticky note —

labeled: “deal with later,” guess I won’t

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Mind’s a maze, soul’s on mute

Straight A’s, still feel like a fluke

“Impostor mode: activated”

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Ohh woahhh woahh

I’m just stu(dying),

Faking surviving

Hiding in highlighters, caffeine, and tears

They say it’s worth it — do they mean it?

I say “Define it”

‘Cause joy’s the only thing we never learn here

Ohh woahhh woahh

Yeah, I’m stu(dying)

Still complying

But trying’s all I’ve got to give

“And I’m running low...”

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They said, “This is your future” —

but no one warned me how much it hurts

They said, “Hard work pays off”

yeah? to who?

I'm not even sure what I’m working toward

— or who I’m doing this for.

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Ohh woahhh woahh

I’m just stu(dying),

Truth-denying

Pretending that I’ve got control

But this system

Keeps twisting

‘Til there's nothing left of soul

Ohh woahhh woahh

Yeah, I’m stu(dying),

And I’m still complying

But I don’t know who I’ll be

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Ohh woahhh woahh

I’m stu(dying)...

...and no one’s grading that