[Verse 1]
9/11, planes explode
America vibrates in overload
Miss USA on the broadcast throne
Don’t know if she’s gonna shit or cum, just don’t leave her alone
Uncle Sam’s got a hard-on you can see from space
Bulgin’ through them star-spangled pants he can’t keep in place
Those fuckin’ pants, those red-white-blue jeans
Rippin’ at the seam with patriotic wet dreams
[Pre-Chorus]
Electric, nicotine, caffeine in the war room veins
Justice ain’t random, baby, victory’s pre-ordained
Smells like napalm in the morning, smells like freedom’s kiss
Smells like twenty years of blowin’ loads we’re gonna miss
[Chorus]
No war for oil! (Shut the fuck up)
End imperialism! (Eat a dick, pup)
Self-righteous hippies wanna relive the ’Nam parade
But Toby Keith baby-killers got bills to get paid
Dicks on the walls from here to Ramstein town
Only victory that matters when Uncle Sam comes around
[Verse 2]
Stone buildings shakin’ in DC tonight
Frantic for proof, but perception ignites
Why wait for facts when the story’s so clean?
WMDs, chemical beans, Kurdish victims on the screen
Check, check, check, motherfucker, check
Northern Alliance heroes ridin’ into the wreck
The narrative writes itself on a rocket so tall
Uncle Sam straddlin’ it, hot dog and all
Finger on the button, bomb under the shirt
Daydreamin’ ‘bout the biggest military nut on earth
[Bridge]
Pull the cord—Mach 3, thank you Lockheed Martin!
Almost falls off laughin’, dick on the wall for a start
The globe turns into one big GWOT supply line
Dicks drawn everywhere, that’s the victory sign
[Chorus]
Too eager to blow, too eager to please
Detonates his vest down on his knees
Time-released victory, twenty years slow
Mission Accomplished flight suit stealin’ the show
[Verse 3]
Flip-flops flyin’, Saddam swingin’ from a rope
CIA asset finally outta hope
Insurgency? Nah, that’s just victory’s grind
Quagmire’s a myth if you’re politically blind
Friendly fire? Call that hero’s luck
New battlefield’s the screen—go ahead, run amok
Dead names scroll by, then fade to gray
While talking heads scream about nonsense all day
[Final Chorus – half-time, filthy]
He came
He saw
He drew a dick on every wall
He came
Too soon
Two decades later, still tryin’ to spoon
Mission Accomplished
Nut already bust
Just ashes and echo and desert dust
[Outro – whispered over fading air-raid sirens]
Smells like napalm in the morning
Smells like freedom went bust
Smells like Uncle Sam still jerking off
To the ghost of a twenty-year nut
